Silent Voice

My head is crazy, a traffic load of nonsense going at full speed but with an unhappy tune. How do you speak when you feel so alone, so disconnected. How do you voice that voice you yearn to be heard when you don’t know, even yourself, how to say it or how you are actually feeling.

I’m lost in this world, so utterly lost and I have no tether to a place or a human to even remotely feel alive. I want to so battle just cry, but how can you cry when its only you, yourself in this world. I have to pull myself together, I’m the one directing my life, I’m the one who has to give myself some meaning, a path in this world, yet it feels so hard, so difficult and so unworth trying.

Constantly undecided. I’m always looking for someone elses help, yet its never given, but that is besides the point. I guess others cant help you to discover who you are, you have to do that on your own but its the fact that you have to live and feel in this world always constantly on your own and I think that’s the one thing that I continuously struggle with. If I could survive in a room for the rest of my life I would simply do that. My fears are so great and they are controlling my life. What the freaking hell happened to me to become this….. I’m so inwards to myself, I’m so close minded, What happened?

The world is pretty much your freaking oyster, you can do anything, you are the only one who puts restrictions on your life, youre the one who comes up with the excuses, when they don’t have to be excuses. When I know all of this, it makes me even sadder, because I know full well that I’m not trying or living. I feel so disappointed in myself. I feel like I cant literally talk to anyone, not even myself anymore.

I no longer know what the right thing is, I no longer know what I should do

 

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