What’s it like

No one truly asked what it was like. People are only interested in the good, or what you can bring to them, information or an insight in this case. Looking back I realise I was lucky. Lucky in the sense that I had the opportunity to grow, to lean on myself. To build a starting relationship with a brother. 

I was lucky because without knowing I never knew how much time I would be giving myself. 

I discovered so much about myself and yet so little. I’m still on the road of discovery for my oneself, as well as in the excepting path. 

I learnt that I don’t need my parents, it’s just that I like to have them by my side. Knowing that they are okay and that I’m not being forgotten. 

I learnt that there’s thousands of people on this earth, I’m just a tiny ant in a huge cage, not much of a meaning for me. What do I bring to this earth? 

There’s so much more to discover, the sights, the pictures for my dissolving mind of memories. That’s what I lived for. The next photo, the next shot to show others who don’t have the ability or the money to capture those moments. The world is so much better without a lens. It’s more beautiful than people realise. But it won’t be for long. There’s thousands of us, yet one planet. We are destroying it, some days faster than others. It soon won’t be beautiful. Just like the dying reef out in Aussie. It’s beautiful in some places, but it’s dying and not a lot of living left. 

What was it like? It was like stepping into one of many books that I’ve read, stepping into a book and seeing your imagination come to life, but the living part. That was very much to how any day would normally be. The world is wonderful, but I’m not a wonderful person, therefore I don’t see it as a wonderful world on a daily basis. How I feel reflects on the world that I’ve created for myself. How I feel is destroying me so much more than I realise. I stupidly thought that if I left I’d some how magically change. Changing like that doesn’t just happen. Like everything else in the world, everything takes time, patience and faith. 

Why did I come back? Truthly, I was lost and lonely. I’ve always been lonely but I thought I wouldn’t be if I came back and surrounded myself with family, the love and support of it all. I guess I was deeply wrong. I think there’s a time in life when you know something but you are too unaccepting of it, then you accept that what you knew in the first place was correct but you’ve lived in denial of the accepting factor. 

It’s so easy to say and write a few words, but the meaning, the functioning, the action to the words are so much harder to do. 

I should be a stronger person, I should believe in my own abilities. At the end of the day, you have people around you, but you can only rely on yourself. 

I blame technology for that. But then again without it I would literally be lost. 

The power you give other people can really mess with the world of yours. You should only be the one with the power that you give yourself. 

You are stronger than you realise, you don’t want to care but you do, you should care but not the way that you do. Everyone plays on other people’s strings. 

I’m tired of feeling cornered in a cage, trapped by my imaginary strings. The inability to talk, just general talk. 

There is so much time in the world, in the day. It’s what you do with it that counts to you. 

It’s upsetting to be thousands of miles of a way and to have people messaging me that they miss me and can’t wait for a catch up when in fact, now that I’m only a couple of miles a way that they don’t want to know that you even breath. I hate that I feel so unsure of myself in a environment that I spend so much time in. I hate that I can’t be comfortable in my own skin and that the only way I deal with my problems is by eating when I don’t even feel like it. I hate that the one thing I came back for, family, I feel less connected than ever before. I don’t like the feeling that the way I live is all completely my fault. I talk less than I’ve ever had. The loneliness of not being accepted is difficult and so unloving. 

I’ve never been given a bad card but I seriously wish upon myself that I should get a bad card given. My journey on this earth isn’t just to learn and accept myself because that isn’t the game I want to play. 

Updatables

updatables

Something happened today… Life

Huh

Hello you

Youre getting old, literally

Youve not got far, infact youve stepped back into time and its even worse than you thought

Grow some balls

It amazes me that so many can do what they set out to do, achieve so much more than they ever thought. Yet you cant even function a full day without breaking down in some way

The lifes you destory, you should be ashamed

Maybe this is a dream

Ill wake up to realise that mistakes shouldnt be thought about, life should be a focus, not a reminisce

So much for

Critics 

Life of a critic Climb a mountain scream out your burning lungs! Do you feel better? No of course not, it’s only a fleeting feeling. 

How many times a day do you judge someone? I’m guessing it’s not always in the lime light of a glow. Probs mostly in a snubby way. We all believe we are right. We all believe we should be right more than the next person standing next to us. But let me telling you a little secret. Everyone’s lives different. Everyone’s life’s are different. We live in the same world but it’s not seen as the same in everyone’s eyes. 

We blame everyone for something or another in our life’s. We’d wish that that they would change. But it’s not them who needs to change, it’s us who needs too. We just don’t have the motivation to change, therefore we moan about why the other can’t change. 

The world isn’t a great place, until you are happy with yourself to view it as a great place. 

Some people don’t even realise they are a negative soul, until they wonder why they have no one. Then it’s too late. 

Have you ever thought that your genetics might play a game in this line. Have you ever thought that your words, which you think are positive, are actually coming there across negative? 

Some of us jump to the conclusion that we know it all when you actually don’t stop to think. Yet the people who think, tend to be blamed that they think too much. 

Moral of the game, maybe you should think, even though it can drive you insane. 

life of guy

 

Guy was a steep man,  he knew the world he lived in, he knew what he wanted to be.

As time  went on, he started to loose his ways. He no longer had any grounding to stand upon.

The darken days began to make there way into his broken lost soul

He was no longer the guy that he thought he once was.

He stands all day despite himself. He continues to live when all he wanted to do is wallow. But without realising with is crappy attitude, the presence that he now carries with his lost soul has started to make an impact on the people around him. Why should his sour demur spread to the people that are closet to him. Its not their fault that his attitude has turned black.

Why should they suffer as he is suffering?

Guys feeling lost and uncontrollable, his blackened heart is seeping more fully into his living bones. The control is no control. The black clouds have finally begun