Crumbles, let me go

Imaginations how you make me swoon. Oh imagination how I wish you’d make my dreams come true. Life of reality how you make my world feel so small. The life of daily breathe makes me shrink with sadness. The world that we live in is no longer good. So much destruction it makes me weep. The meanness and hard stares within the people of humanity makes its feel like an unwelcome place. Why do we people treat us, each other so badly. Surely you can see the similarity in our human comrades. We all strives, all survive with one thing in mind, pure happiness within our beating hearts. Why do people no longer know the sense of kindness and sharing chances? Why are we all so destined to destroy or fight with one another? We all have inner inflictions 

The mind is a complicated organ. It makes us think, sometimes crazy shit, sometimes unbelievable sadness overcomes our sharpe minds. 

My minds destined to crumble, I am my own infliction

Pain swells within my beating heart. I imagine the times of chanced destiny for my oneself but I’m to live a battling game with my one true self. I have no one to blame but me and my beating heart. I want and want all the same as any sane human being. I crave the touch the sadness sharing times with someone I can simply be with. Books use to be a homing comforting place, but now they leave me broken and frustrated with the internal mind games that I play with myself. I dream, just as you would do. I imagine with my wonder mind of simple happiness and discovery. But I’ve truly given up on my shit, there’s no time for all the blah. I’m on borrowed time, the clock stops eventually but when will it be the last tick. My mind is dirty and not in the sense of naughty. It’s dirty with the unhealthy thinking, sadness and loneliness consumes me. I have no one else to blame but me. Only I can change the ways, but I can no longer be bothered to change the destructions. Sometimes it’s too late for some, it’s too late for me. I’m destined for the blackness. The darkness is within my soul, half of it’s already tainted. Let the rest fill pure darkness, I give up, just like I should have done a long time ago

The ladies of leisures of Nevers 

You gave up on me so I gave up on you

You breathed so did I

You messaged me so I responded

You told a few lies, I repeated in kind

You said you were nice and everyone agreed 

You promised to always be, yet you’re never within sight

You told me stories, I listened in kind 

Your heart beat a few drums, mine waned in despair

You spoke of support and empty promises

I believed in change, now all I do is cry with defeat 

I’m a lot more than I’ll ever be 

The heart grows fonder but only dreams multiply 

You know you did wrong, yet you do nothing to change. 

Life’s a multi question of none affectionate unrelated love  

The poet speaks but only in riddles that no one will get but the poet is none one self

You dream of past, yet it’s the past that you fled 

You know what you should have done, yet you don’t own up to it

Repeat of circles gets you know where. 

Same mistakes, you see it in others, yet you can’t see it in yourself. 

You created yet you shiver with despair

Flashbacks of what was, slides with never will bes 

Are you here, I don’t feel you

Do you hear, I see you are far away

What happened to you and I. There is no longer a you nor an I. 

 

Buh 

Baby I like …To run, I’d like to disappear along the coast, waves crashing in my ear holes, salty sea crushing through my lungs, inhaling through my narrow nostrils. 

Oh honey, life was good with you but now your a robot on repeat is life really worth this …. nothingness. You have no one else to blame but yourself thoughts for the ageing to going nowhere. These are your choices , when will you ever be grateful and open to people around you. Thankful for the breath that you breathe. 

Lets Be Honest ….

 

Its been a while since I last wrote, its been a while since ive even felt like doing it

The travels were fun and different, now home to a live of before.

I’m not the same yet I’m acting the same, complicated ways

Ive not been well, both physically and mentally. Which are both things I came back for, Both things I deeply wanted to achieve.

Its now in fact gone the opposite, not exactly sure if its got worse. But that’s all my own doing.

You can love yourself and hate yourself so deeply, its quite intriguing to realise how powerful you can be and feel about your one self.

I have achieved a lot since being back, yet at the same time I feel like I have achieved nothing apart from walking back into the past. That was my choosing. I don’t regret, lifes about making choices, mistakes, life experiences – whatever you want to call them.

The funny thing, not actually funny, is I’m the type of person who takes things for granted and doesn’t truly appreciate what I have at the time, in the moment. Again no one to blame but myself.

I’m pretty sure I’m on a loose end.

As well as coming back for health reasons, I came back thinking id have a better social life style than when I left. One thing you should always remember, nothing ever changes /….. unless you change, complication. I received more messages from home people when I was away than when I was in home town. Messages of the likes of meeting up etc, followed through to now dead ends, because apparently you only matter when youre thousand of miles away.

I guess it boils down to the type of person that I am, and what I want to be.

Of late, the answers been pretty much nothing. I don’t predictably want to be a person and I don’t really fancy participating, but If I give up, I wont have anything. I’m quite lucky to have anything to be honest. Maybe this is all due to lack of iron and vitamin b12, or a loose mind. I just feel like my bodys here, but my mind and spirit are somewhere else, but where…

If only they had a harsh motivational school to go too. Someone who could punch or put me in line for a time or too.

Siiinn

Carve up your body like one two threeYou get me or you never will 

Time flew when seeing sights, in every right mind, every day was just right. 

Flying back to the past, all glazed eyes, everything before has been intensified. 

Where do you stand, where do you not? 

Where do you fit, where do you belong? 

Big eyes make you see and feel the unnerving things. 

Do you settle or keep on moving? 

Or is it all a one big laugh? 

You huff you doubt, you weep, you cry, you pour your soup but no matter how you express you feel no different than the before. 

Where does that leave you? A life of repeat but