Blink

How many times do you blink before you can’t blink anymore? One, two? Tears stream down making them sticky. Throat closes till you feel like your dying of thirst. At a dollar each bottle pretty sure you would. It’s been emotional. Every step has been emotional, for someone who isn’t intune with her emotions or pretty much doesn’t like to acknowledge them. It’s harder. It really doesn’t have to be this hard. Guess that’s why I push people away and made the life is solo harder than it has to be. I think this is one of my regrets. Leaving to travel before actually facing my emotions. Sight seeing is great don’t get me wrong, being here is a dream and I’m living the sights, the places, sometimes the atmospheres. But to be honest when you live in your own world for so long it’s hard to connect to the world, a world that has potential. Maybe I’m just being too difficult when I don’t have too. Maybe I’m panicking and expecting too much out of a life that in some cases won’t even touch the many people around me. To me there is a lot of travellers, mainly in the day, look pretty sad and lost, but at night everyone’s happy because they are intoxicated with something. It’s a great way to meet people for a fleeting second or too but I’m kinda tired of people, feeling like, people flitter through my life. That’s my fault I guess, like I said I’m not in tune with my emotions therefore I’m hurting myself as well as depriving myself of a wonderful happy chilled out life. Then again I am living a happy chilled out life I just don’t feel it. To be honest this isn’t exactly what I thought travelling would be like. It doesn’t even feel like travelling, just holiday-ing one place for a while. Then going to a next destination while you eat food, see the sea in a different light and watch your money twiddle. I hought travelling would be more on the move, constantly doing things being with different people. In some sense we’ve done that, it’s just been a very chilled laid back out look with it. Don’t get me wrong some days it’s been extremely tiring and o ask myself why am I doing this. Some days it’s been mind numbing. I’m not exactly sure what I want in life, maybe something with a little more stamina, something I can find a passion in therefore I can thrive in. Ah expecting too much, should just be great full I’m a life. I guess I just need to embrace the good nights. I’ve had a few but only two standout and they happen to be when I’m intoxicated. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just I want to be able to be free, relaxed in the day time. Guess I’ll just have to let the emotions out. But don’t you think it’s a little weird seeing someone who’s alone with tears glistening in her eye, watching her to try and contain yet she looks like a serial killer because she looks like she’s literally loosing it. Ah wouldn’t it be great to just see a friendly faceThe one thing I do hate about travelling is the freaking backpack. Nothing wrong with it, I just like using the word hate for something. With a passion I do hate living out of bag, it’s slightly annoying. It’s a pain to carry, as its heavy but then I ask myself. Why is it so heavy? It doesnt have a lot of choices in clothes so why so heavy? Maybe I’m just weak. It’s so tempting to ditch the bag, if I was a millionaire I would. But I need clothes, apparently. It’s just so tempting, and with being on your own you have to literally take it every where you go. So if your waiting for the bus and need to the loo, well hello bag please join. 

So I guess with these words I shall depart for a day or two or maybe a few hours. Wonder what I’ll be doing 

The coast is gold

Is it really gold? It’s defiantly a coast.

Gold Coast, so yeah I was there, seeing another place, experiencing different things and creating more memories that are different to the ones before. This is the place where we went out, mingled with people and actually talked to a few. Hung out with a girl, hung out with a guy. Not sure how I feel. Guess confidence is the key, without it your are pretty much screwed but I guess that’s down to whether you really want to change your personality. It was good to be able to mingle with people, even with selective hearing. Gold Coast is the last stop before Brisbane. It’s also the last place with the bro. Soon I’ll be on my own. Who really wants to be on their own? Urm …..

Gold Coast is where the theme parks are at. The place to act like a kid and enjoy the rides, if you have the money to spend bucks a lot on the trips. So due to trying to save, we went on a road trip. Yep that’s right. Hired a car, little blue thing and zoom on the road. The long windy road to the national park which gave us the ability to see sights that you’ll never see anywhere else other than right here. They are pretty breath taking and totally worth the car and drive. Sights seem to be the thing to live for, to see what the worlds nature has to show us. Which it has some pretty sweet views. The photos don’t do them justice but still take a view. Let’s just hope the mind can remember them and store them with the beauty that they really are.

So I went to the Gold Coast, stayed at a pretty relaxed, mixed atmosphere of a hostel. If it wasn’t without the hostel and what the people in the hostel do to get people to connect, I don’t think, I wouldn’t have new friends on the Facebook list. Will I meet them again? Who really wants to be alone? Wonder what the next stages have to hold? 

Night with the out

Just casually out at night, the rarity of life that is. We all go out to have fun, right? Maybe to drown our sorrows with pints of alcohol. Maybe to feel a connection with the common world within a similar atmosphere. Maybe it’s simply to meet someone. Maybe you go out just to let your hair down after a hard long eight hour shift. Who knows why many of us go out. The list of possibilities, reasons are endless. I’m not exactly hundred percent sure why I go out myself. Without the glasses/ specs I’m pretty much on the lane of squint. Therefore I’m more or less blind, especially in flashy lights. I’m also pretty much deaf. It’s not that I don’t listen or hear what people are saying. Who am I kidding! What did you just say?!? For some reason, Unknown to myself. I seem to have this thing called selective hearing. Whether it’s due to be not usually being a social bunny or the fact that my ears haven’t been cleaned in almost a year. Ha I don’t exactly hear too well. So it’s no wonder people look at me blankly or confused.com. I just tend to nod in the, I think right way, or simply smile with a force I don’t tend to really feel unless I’m absolutely rammed faced off the earth that I can’t even remember my name. We all know I’m no social bunny. I don’t exactly go hopping around making new friends and sharing out my carrots. So the night out in life was a new one for me last night. Basically if you drink a lot Abby you won’t feel so much, nor will you have to think. Just be buzzed enough that you feel confident bobbing to some music you’ve not got a clue what it is. So that’s what I did. Wouldnt exactly go out on my own. A girl, in my eyes, a very single girl is vulnerable to the vultures of the lions. They come out at night. Like most nights apparently. Didn’t know that! They hunt the dancing victims and see with their wide glowie eyes, seeing the most culpable girl out their. Once found you can not escape the claws. 

I’m not sure If I have anxiety or some made up pressure point in my head. But I get… Wouldn’t say vulnerable but I’m not sure what the word is. The panic starts, I just want to leave, but you can’t leave because youre out, you can’t find the person you’ve come with. You don’t really know where you are, you do but you’re panicking. There’s a guy looking at you with something in his eye, the stare. You can’t hear properly, selective hearing. You don’t talk to people for this one reason. So you’re pretty much in a situation where you are literally screwed with the ‘what the freak do I do now!’ You just go with it. All lanes go. Get me outta here. But that leaves you with walking back with the guy. Not such a problem, it’s just it requires for me to talk. Therefore to talk I have to listen, but ive got this blocked ear thing going on. Hello, slightly annoying because I want to hear what you have to say. It’s just I’m not really catching the words, and there’s only so many times you can say pardon, right. Maybe I’m just a rude bitch. Who knows. All I know, I just feel like one. The only way you can possibly connect with someone is to hear them out. I’m not really hearing. Rude, right? So the vultures came. Sometimes makes you wish for the girl power to come along, shine the light and bingo. Shake those asses. I’m not sure if its a lady thing or just a me. But when girls meet a girl on a solo night out. They either have the guards up, I don’t want to know you or they don’t really want to know you they want to know who youre with. To be honest I never know what to talk to a girl about, ha. Anyone in general really. Girls tend to bond over make up, perfume, the latest diet or something girl. I’m just like a squashed sardine in a tin. I don’t wear makeup, don’t exactly feel comfortable painting thy face. I don’t wear perfume, the fumes tickle my nostrils. Don’t really understand diets or anything in general to be honest. I’m like blonde Barbie, only good on a night out if there’s music otherwise it’s awkward as hell. No music, no dancing. Agh. How do you feel? Slightly sugartised. The world of communication is big for world life, especially on occasions of nighting. I think I’m too screwed for life communications. Gold help me all 

Byron  bay

Bay how i see you. Do you see me in your reflection of the sea? Do you notice the way you have the ability to sparkle in the light with dancing dolphins and Wales? You are pretty, a variety of atmospheres on such a small land. The calmness of the sea. The buzzing streets of Byron bay. Most of all Byron bay hums with such good talent. So amazing in fact it has to be the most talent town I’ve ever been too. So musically spirited. It makes the untalented wish to be talent. To jam with them or simply move your vocal cords in harmony with them. Byron bay is simply full of unknown talent 

Her

She’s pretty but she don’t know it. She’s a girl I need. A girl I want. She the she. The one and only laughing girl that I need in my world. Missing world, so far without her. She’s a girl that I need to know. Everything yet unknown. She’s a girl I need a girl I want. Where are you girl, I’m waiting but I see you. I just need you to touch my life and hope for the best. I can just tell that my heart will bloom just around you. I see you and it makes me want you. It sends a warmth sensation through my heart. Sending the word I simply need you

Port Macquarie 

What do you say about port Macquarie? What would you say that comes to mind? Solitude maybe.

We’ve come at a time where it’s low season so it’s quiet. Not much to do in the sense of activities apart from surfing and paddle boarding. Part from those activities it’s a nice place to take a stroll, seeing sights for what they are. Memorising the lake, river. The strong current of sea, just swimming itself by. Boats locked in harbour, massive birds with peaks trying to eat fish with their massive peaks. A lot of gobbling not a lot of swallowing. Port Macquarie has a lot of sandy shores to offer. Even though it’s classed as winter here currently, it still gives you the ability to sit on the sand, stare into the ocean with a beating warmth upon your skin. Macquarie also has a nice coastal walk, it’s not too far but a struggle on the steep. Amazing views to witness with your eyes. I do wonder what it would be like in a peak season. Would people be buzzing the streets or swarm in the sandy beaches. 

The hostel port Macquarie backpackers is a quiet place with a few people. From going from a thriving city to a small town, the atmosphere change is very noticeable yet nice. 

In port Macquarie they have a koala hospital for the injured sick or infected koalas. I was expecting a big place with many, cages of sorts, occupied with many koalas. But the place is the opposite. It’s a small sanctuary in a woodland of sorts. Just a few koalas huddling in their trees

Port Macquarie is a nice place

Weird about me

There’s something weird about meThe inner ability to just smile and feel it within your soul. You know what I mean, right? The smile that’s a rare beauty, the cheekbones high with tightness. Eyes glistening with the glow , sparkle of humming happiness. The way the smile vibrates throughout the body, through every bone, to every fingertip. The hum of a smile within the chest, like a brightness of light. If the beauty of that smile could settle within my soul all the time, then I could shake myself and just push. I like to smile but I have to feel it, it just feels fake when I don’t feel it. Shake a bone. 

What are we fighting for? 

We plan to strive, to have an aim so we don’t feel like an aimless melon walking through live with no achievement, but anything can be an achievement

What do you miss?

Being me but who are you, why do you say those things yet you never know why those words emotions flutter through your mind. 

Years,

We have years to come, so many years

What do you do with so many years

Where are you

Just keep running even if it’s no longer an outlet

Are you ever ready?no ones ever going to be prepared for life for fun for letting go. You’re always prepared when you don’t let go

Punch

One two, high jab 

How do you feel?

Miles away with no much sense of a way. Just like before, just somewhere different

In a beautiful country, life can flutter by with empty stares into the sea. Life can flutter by with dead thoughts in mind, while the sun sets over the high mountains. The world is a beautiful place. There’s beauty in everything we see, just depends on the personality that stares around and takes in the world. Is it possible to feel more lost than before? Yes

You’ve got me, yet you don’t know who me is. You disagree. Caged, too long. Over edge not going to be good. Just love yourself

Looking for a feeling