Going

So I’m doing this. The thing I’ve been thinking about, imagining about. Only hours away and I still can’t imagine it becoming reality. I want this and I need this so much. Only been imagining it for the past three years. Challenging times are ahead, nothing will ever be the same. I need this in the sense, that hopefully it will help me breathe. Yet I’m so terrified…. I wouldn’t stay even though it’s slightly tempting. The past months I’ve been working on trying to shape my body aka trying to look slim. I haven’t got the slimness that I had in mind, I might not look the way I want, but I achieved in a way I never thought. My endurance has improved massively. It’s changed the way I think in some cases and times. With the difference of future changes, it hasn’t been as active or mind settling as I like. Therefore I’ve gone slightly back to ways of before. Eating to comfort the soul, even when I feel sick of food. So my body doesn’t look r. I’m not where I want to be in fit sight, but maybe in coming years I can come back to it. With the whole fit, looks obsession I’ve come to be to wary about what I eat. I might be able to run with a better sound mind than before, but I can no longer eat with a sound mind. I’m going travelling. I’m leaving home, a place I want to come back to in time but for now I need to go. Challenges are about to be challenged. My fears are going to come into play. My mind, independence will be tested. I want to be someone, I’d like to be someone new and find myself but that’s too much expectation. Enjoy, see is all simplicity. I’m only going to worry about myself. It’s too emotionally straining to think about other people. To be worried if my choices appease others. At the end of the day I’m still breathing, should be happy with that choice. I get others want better for myself but all I’ve ever wanted was a positive happiness for my choices. Not something that’s been turned round into negativity. Saying goodbye to all I know is extremely hard, it makes me panicky. I won’t have anyone to rely on, which I’ve always taken for granted. No longer have a comfort zone. Hopefully flying a thousand miles I’ll be ables to explore

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s