You are not my friend

It’s probably me, with a broom stuck too high up my tight ass, but I’m saying this, and only once.

You are not my friend.

You are only money to me

I will no longer have this feeling of down out right despair when I’m near you. I will no longer let you reach into my sensitive soul. I won’t go out of my way for you. Nor will I help you in anyway.

Who am I kidding

Of course I’m going to do all the above and most likely so much more.

But why should I?

Why should I go out of my way, be helpful, when you are not my friend. When you are just money to me

I can truly not understand why I get this way.

Yes! I’m talking about myself once again.

Yes I’m at another cross roads, but it’s always down to this place. You are all I do, and yes that is my fault for not doing anything other. But I care about you all, but I no longer want too. You don’t really care about me. Why would you?

I’m just a passing figure. One that doesn’t work hard, one that doesn’t do things properly. One who’s always a moody bitch acting like someone’s always on her case when that isn’t the situation.

I’m just now freakily fed up. And I’m no longer sure if I’m fed up of you or just myself.

I think it’s me, Says the whispers of thoughts I my head, but then again I’ve always had it whispered in my ears through out my life. So no wonder I believe those words.

It is me, Isn’t it?

My attitude sucks, I suck. I don’t want to be near any of you, yet the thoughts of leaving sends me into a full blown panic attack that I want to kill myself, yet being around any of you makes me want to cry with pure sadness. Instead of tears of water running freely, it will be blood from a broken soul.

Sounds horrible, but theres only so much you can take before someone drives you to the land of despair, and I don’t want to be there.

I have nothing from you. In all the 3 years, I have nothing.

I have no confidence. I have no adapted skills

I have no joy, and I certainly have no smile upon my face

So I face the unknown, a thing that will do me good in some aspects, yet I no longer want it. Im too scared to have it

Maybe that guy who was willing to kill, might just be available after all.

Kidding, sick joke and all

But yeah, Your are not my friend

You are only money

It’s a shame those words don’t make me feel any better.

Are we there yet?

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