Crunchy chips, Spicy chips. The crunch between your teeth. The chewing of the crisps. The after taste from the crunchy chips makes you feel the need to much on more of those crunching chips. Just the thought of chewing makes me weep with sadness. It’s the crave for comfort that my munching seeks, but even after consuming the things I keep thinking about, I’m still left in this hollow despair.
I know I’ve said it before, I’m getting tired of saying it. I just don’t get it
When I try and talk, write and talk, no one gets it.
Maybe I expect too much. Who am I kidding, I obviously do expect too much. It’s why I feel shit, isn’t it? It’s why I punch walls, It’s why I scream at myself, always angry and internally frustrated.
Why don’t you hear me?
I always hear you
New development in life, a person has come along/back
Everyone says what you give is what you get. Is this right? Because it honestly doesn’t feel like it!
Person feels like I do. Someone who gets it, right? Helping hand? Guess everyone feels differently.
I just want to freaking weep, while punching every face I see. I want to fill my face with the craves that I crave, but it wont accomplish anything, So why should I. It’s only going to make me feel guilty about munching the rubbish
So why not switch to pills? See how many you can swallow. Even after fifteen, body no longer wants more, can’t stomach it. It plays some affect. Yet doesn’t take away any of this. Just sends me in an endless sleep for six hours. Wake up feeling drunk, apart from that, the days in full force.
All I seem to want right now is the comfort of food, yet when I fetch and swallow it brings me no comfort, not a thing. Wheres the comfort?
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It’s pointless, just like going out, like talking. It’s pointless.
Chocolate gooey cake sits before you, slice the fork through the layers. Scoop some ice cream and devour the crave
This feeling of goodness is overwhelming.
Only lasts an instant, but an instant is all I crave.
This feeling of high, of over sensed joy. Just feels so good. Feels like I can accomplish almost anything. Like the feeling of ruling the world
My heart is steady, yet full with pride and joy. It does happen, but it’s so rare.
I like it when simple things make me feel like this.
The push of a run has achieved this feeling. That’s why I’m writing now, to remind myself if I ran when I started to feel shit, a sprint later I feel this unspoken happiness.
It’s just a shame they are only short lived. But Ii’ll take what I can get.
Now it’s time to go to work.
Lets keep the spirit high
We all want to mean something. To be someone. We all want to be a support, or think of someone that matters. We want to be here for someone who may need us in their life, for through out their life. But not everyone sticks around. Or in some cases, some of us get kicked to the curb. No longer wanted or needed.
At the end of the day, no matter how we really feel, we are all replaceable. Even if you have the intent to be around, wanting to be that strong hold for that someone. We all end up losing meaning. We are no longer valuable, no longer the precious gem. We all come to an end. We get seen in another light. No longer what they wanted. No longer the thing they desire. Something else always comes along and replaces us. Even when we deeply don’t want to be replaced or forgotten. But that’s the thing, in the end, over time, we become forgotten. It doesn’t matter how strong, or bold a life we live now, we will all be forgotten
Forgotten by the ones you love dear, the ones you don’t want to forget. Yet they do, they forget you. They change with time, the move on. Which is rightly so, but when you become forgotten. You become a nobody. No one wants that. We all want our lifes to have meant something, even if its to only one person. But they soon forget. They forget the way you looked and felt. They forget what made you tick, and who you are. No one wants be forgotten. But once you are gone, you are gone.
Then comes along the replacement.
What is life, if you are constantly replaced or forgotten? How can you simply live in the now, if who you are, is the memories that people made along with you.
Everything fades, turns into a distant.
Everything ends. Once the sun sets, its set. It’s never the same again. We all end up being forgotten.
Who am I?
Lets put a spin on life!
Why the hell not. Lets boost it up, bring forth the ways of positivity
you’ve got to admit life does get a little testy after being so downy, as well as you become annoyed at every little thing. not surprised I’ve gone off my rocker.
So positivity. Now what exactly is positivity? My google friend, google, says ‘Positivity is the frequent experience of pleasant emotions.’ That’s nice, isn’t it?
Sounds like a wonderful emotion, but it just seems when I try it, it feels false. Is that because I’m not use to being positive that, when I try it will take time, like many things, for me to adapt to the feeling? But isn’t it suppose to come naturally?
Anyway. This is suppose to be a good enthusiastic post, but like my many before, I wont count on it. – Now that’s where I’ve gone wrong, right? It suppose to be something like. I’ll try to make this post light, but I might stray a little, but I’ll try. Ah who knows.
Apparently if you feel confident, things change massively for you. So if I went around pretending to feel confident, would that make a difference? I mean you cant just instantly feel something and bam everything is going well. I get the fact If you’re more confident, others will come to you for support or knowledge. I get that if you’re confident you feel more relaxed and joyous about life, as you are happy with who you are and what you are doing, but does it really draw others in. Does it really make other people want to know you?
Guess I could try being positive, maybe it will do some good. I just find that when I am happy, rare as it is, people are always bringing you down, or making you think about things that you cant change or prepare for. To me, it just seems to be easier to be already a downer, but Ive got to admit, it doesn’t exactly sound appealing to being a misery. It sounds great to be walking around all confident with a rare smile on my face. I can almost picture it, but my fierce eyebrows are down.
Days like these, I wish I lived an entertaining life, or did something worth while with it.
I mean of late, everyone seems to be right, so right, that Im always wrong, and it frustrates me. I get the fact that everyone is entitled to there own opinion, its just annoying that when I try and talk, it always feels like that the person isn’t actually listening to me, that they don’t care what I have to say, as they do the complete opposite to what I’ve said. Then they over rule me in the voice department and don’t let me finish what Im trying to say. So I just seem to be getting so annoyed at everything, at every conversation I seem to be having. I shouldn’t talk to people, people don’t really talk to me anyway, but when they do, it annoys me. Even though I crave some form of conversation. So whats that about?
As I was saying before my typy hand had the runs; Days like these, I wish I was a somebody.
In my head, the mighty dream land, Im out exploring. Discovering some wilderness that’s just a beauty to be hold. But in real land, my body moans that its constantly tired, and my head whinges that its bored, yet so sleepy. Theres always an excuse to why I don’t do anything in my life. Its pretty pathetic to be honest.
Theres 365 days a year, I work less than half of those days, so that leaves me about 183 days where I could be doing amazing adventures. yet I don’t. I could be hiking the mountains of life right now. Or I could be petting an animal at some random zoo, Or staring into the ocean, counting stars, laughing to myself at some random quote. I could be doing something. Instead Im writing about the failures, and woes of my life. A life I haven’t even lived.
That’s wrong, I’ve lived a little, but probably in the wrong reasons.
My adventurous side, goes to the dark side;
I’ve been abseiling, dangling from a rope
I’ve done a bungee jump for charity, falling endlessly
I’ve climbed the top of the 02 arena
Visted many zoos, They all look like caged animals, oh
I’ve pushed myself in a bootcamp, body hurting but a so good experience
They’ve all be great, but they are now just a list.
I probably need to find a human manual who can tell me the way of living in the now, embracing the moment.
I think that’s how life should be. But I’ve never personally done it, and I don’t know how. No matter how much planning you do, there will always be a worry that you haven’t thought/ prepared for. You cant plan every little detail, you cant prepare for every emotion you are going to experience. Youll be ready in the moment, because you’ll have to be.
Just a simple thing of wanting to go travelling, becoming such a pain. The plan, the thoughts, the have you got this, have you done this. All the did you realise. For such a simple thing of, pack you bag, lets go exploring, it seems like so much trouble. Surely it shouldn’t be so mind numbing?
If you have to think about everything in your life, to the depth where, well quite frankly. I just don’t want to think. thinking is difficult and Id rather not.
I know I’m not perfect. I know I can be confusing and hard to work or understand, but I’m human. I just want to live, I just don’t know how too.