Tired

Come on

Give me what I deserve! Give it to me hard. Shout at me. Tell me what you really think of me. Punch or slap me silly. Raise your voice at me. Have some reaction to my sullenness. Give me a reply to the attitude that I give. Just give me something for my rudeness. Tell me, with the air burning in your lungs, that I need to get my act together. That I need to love and appreciate what I have before its gone, because I know what it’s like to have and then be gone. Yet this feeling, it doesn’t change the way I am. It just makes me more bitter. More sullen.

Stop saying the same uncared words. Stop repeating yourself like a broken record. Scream at me, you need to pull yourself together. I know I need to change, Im going to find change. But it’s not as simple as embracing it. It’s not like I can switch a switch, and all emotions are erased. You know this. Don’t you remember the time when you weren’t happy. When you did something uncalled for, just to make what you felt disappear. You know, yet you say things as if you don’t know what im talking about.

Im tired of being, I write to express. To get someone to help me, even if its just by a simple reply. But all I get is, good writing. Good writing! Thank you for the compliment. But if I read something so heart breaking, could see the underlining of giving in, of self destruction. I wouldn’t write well done. I would do something other than those words. I don’t know what I expect. Maybe some sort of understanding. An erasing of my head. I just want change. To embrace the change and get over it.

Im stuck, Im always stuck. What a great way to be. Never growing, never learning. Because, well, Im wasting away being the way that I am. Im the only one who can make the change, to make the step. But I always choose not too.

Is that because Im too afraid, letting fear win all the time? Or do I just like making tired excuses? Arent you tired of me yet? Because I am

 

..

Questions

Why Arent you nice? Because Im bitter

Why don’t you smile? It doesn’t come naturally

Why are you hard on yourself? Someone has to be

Why don’t you live? Whats living

Why do you always have to be negative? Because when I am positive, someone always brings me down, It always comes back

Why do you feel the way you do? I keep myself caged

Why are you leaving? I don’t want to be me

Why do you expect so much, to think you deserve good treatment? I expect things because Its normal. Why shouldn’t I get good, but then again, I should only get what I give, which would be poor or not a lot.

Why do I talk to you? Theres no one else

I expect better than what I give.

 

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