Plan

Plan

Apparently I need one of those, who would have thought. Personally I thought it would be okay to slowly, aimlessly stumble into the world and see what the place had to offer. But apparently I cant do that. You need a plan! And what might that be? Didn’t realise you could buy a plan. I mean if theres one selling for an Abby life, I would indeed like to purchase. Just to see if Im going the right way and all.

My plan

What could it be? Sit on the road side, wait for someone or something to come along and pick me up, then they can share there life with me. Life is only worth it, if you share it with some. That’s what Im told repeatedly. I like to think if youre comfortable with yourself, who you are, then well life will be enjoyable for you, even if you do it solo. Guess my problem is Im not comfortable with who I am.

So the plan is to discover who I am, to become comfortable with who I will be. Things like this take time, but I don’t have a lot of time. Apparently its not really a good enough plan. I need something a little more detailed than that. But then again who really has there life planned down to a T? Do share if you do, mighty curious.

So this planning thing has got me thinking.

When Im 25 I’ll buy a place of my own, have a dog – bestfriend, by my side, have a job that pays the way and enjoy life. Or I could get abducted and see where my life ends. Kidding.

I was thinking of travelling, aimlessly staying in one place or another. Discovering it when I come across it, but that wouldn’t be planning it, would it? So …. I guess I could travel with my companion for say two months, after that find a job in the area that Im left in. Then once I get a good paying job, find a place to stay that I could possibly rent. Now that’s a plan, right? Or do I need to go into more detail. Like the fact of which sector of career am I choosing? Which location will I be stranding myself too? Or maybe the possibility of learning how to create a smile on my tattoo fixed sullen face? Maybe its best if I end the suffering for others. Break the connection and well just worry about myself, without having to think of keeping in contact with relatives. Who am I kidding, I only think about myself. Kinda selfish that way. Guess the feeling of lost, going into the unknown, is one big lonely feeling. Shame I cant express myself, maybe this misery would have left me if I simply spoke a few words.

Another plan. Did think about going back to studies. I use to like to learn, even when many said I wasn’t the academic type. Whatever that’s suppose to mean. I know Im slow and sometimes it takes me a while to grasp the meaning of something. But I did like to learn. My minds small you see, Id like to make it wiser. I hate that Im not intellectual, especially in the everyday basic that some people just know. Id like to be more knowledgeable, and I wish I was. Maybe that’s why I don’t talk. If you don’t know anything, why would you even speak. You have to know something, to be able to communicate, right? Im not wise, maybe it should become a plan of mine to make myself wiser.

To become tough skinned, that’s another idea in my many sudden thinking of plans. You see Im so aware of people, people that no nothing about me and never will, aware of them in my surroundings that I allow them to affect my everyday life. I need to forget about them, if that’s even possible. Need to be able to do the things I want to do, and still be comfortable with people, strangers, around me or in the area. If I was the only person in the world, Id see it all instantly. I wouldn’t stop myself from seeing or exploring places, just because Im conscious of other people. Of not being in there way, or stopping them from seeing something because Im in the way.

So …. Who needs a plan? I do.

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