I can see it in your eyes, the sadness makes my heart break only for you.
Why are you sad?
Why do you have a look of someone who is yearning to cry a thousand tears?
I can see in your hazel eyes, the brokenness that’s tearing your insides apart.
Talk to me.
Open that mouth, speak a thousand words, let it out, let me hear you out. Just let me hear you. You need to talk, you know you do. The craziness in your head is building too high. Its becoming extremely difficult to keep it in, to not snap at the silly things. You’re breaking, you know you are.
Talk to me, Let me hear you.
You want to hear me?
You really want to know that I imagine so deeply about smashing a thousand plates, about throwing things, punching anything until they turn to nothing. You really want to know that I hold myself back, keeping this burning anger back, that I really want to let rip, to let go of holding in. Just let into the feeling of screaming until I make no sense at all. To stamp my feet like a toddler, just to feel like a wimpy kid. To punch and say violent things, to literally smash anything in my path. Just to get rid of this booming anger that’s constantly on the end of my finger tips, bite my tongue, that keeps me on edge.
You really want to know that I hate it when you talk to me sarcastically, in the way that’s sugared with I don’t care.
I hate the fact that you talk at me, not to me, when I’m trying to hear what someone else is saying.
I don’t like the fact that I feel like an utter useless kid. I don’t like that you ask for me, but you’re not really accepting me. That you want me to talk, but you don’t hear me. You don’t hear or really see that I’m breaking into a thousand pieces, and all I really want is for someone to care, to take the time and think. To simply hold me, even if I push them away. Id like someone, trust, to be able to let go, to not have to always keep something back. for them to simply see my shoulders sag, and know that I’ve truly let go.
I want to be able to do my own thing without always having to consider someone else. I want my own air, my own space.
It just seems of late that I’m being squashed . I don’t like being squashed. I’m just tired of being edgy, of being angry, that I cant share or reason. Not that I want too.
You know some of it, but I just get tired of sharing, even when I haven’t really shared a thing to be honest.