So

So went to Rome, Drank a few peroni, as well as smoked a few cigarettes. Continuously dined by a charming Italian man. Swooning me with words that I haven’t a clue what he says. Strolled through the city, day and night.

Kidding!

I did go to Rome. It was beautiful in the way you’d say beautiful to see something different, to be somewhere different.

Ever heard an Italian speak? The way they speak so fluently, its captivating, but only in the way there mouth moves so quickly, as you don’t truly know what they are saying. Could literally get lost in hearing someone speak Italian, but guess it wouldn’t be fun for the person speaking .

Sun, was my thankful

I don’t go out in the sun often, it makes me want to hide, but the warmth was comforting. the blinding in my eyes was refreshing.

I’m in a beautiful city, so many things to see.

Walked from the colesseo to piazza del popola. Seeing fontiana di Trevi in between and all I can think about is misery. The heavy weight of tiredness, the pounding of anger underneath the flesh, of how heavy I feel.

This saying comes to mind “Depression isn’t always sadness. Its also feeling numb at 3am but smiling and laughing with friends at 3pm. its also not being able to get out of bed even though you were fine the day before. Its also not eating because you aren’t hungry or cant be bothered, but also over eating because you’re bored and feel empty. Its also loving too hard or not at all. Depression isn’t a constant feeling of sadness. Depression can be hidden in happiness” I feel like I could travel endlessly but I just feel numb. Its something I’ll do, but will I ever be able to enjoy my own company without wanting to run off to Alaska, like the film in the wild, without surrendering to strange happenings.

Don’t think I could ever feel so disappointed in who I’ve become.